too bad you live with your parents still
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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