I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
