if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In America we eat man semen.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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