This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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