Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
