So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
