That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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