bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Text me some of your sweat
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