dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
