I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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