i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
