North Korea, Best Korea!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
