I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
