Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
