After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
