Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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