That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
