I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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