In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You made out with two different species that night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
