pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
