she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
