the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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