I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
