Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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