Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
