I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
