maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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