Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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