I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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