Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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