Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
