Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was like eating out sand paper
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
