yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
