every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
