the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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