So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
