I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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