if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
