I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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