foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
