I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
