You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
