i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
