You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
