Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
