Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
