Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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