I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
