I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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