So drunk its hurt
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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