I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
