You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
