I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
