# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
