I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
