when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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