drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
