I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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