your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh god it's open bar.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
