Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
