i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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