All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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