He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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