I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
