Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
