I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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