I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
