dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize